The WTF News Report Blog

Welcome back, patriots, skeptics, and anyone still clinging to the last shreds of common sense. It’s time for another round of “Who Screwed Up This Week?”, your weekly dose of political satire, conservative news commentary, and the kind of sarcastic truth you won’t get on CNN unless Don Lemon comes back high on mushrooms.

So, who set the dumpster ablaze this time? Oh boy—grab your caffeine (or whiskey), because it’s a full-blown clown rodeo in Washington again.

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🏛️ 1. President Joe “Oops I Did It Again” Biden

Yep, Sleepy Joe is still leading the free world—if by “leading” you mean mumbling into a mic, forgetting what country he’s in, and giving the Easter Bunny more foreign policy power than the State Department.

This week, in peak presidential performance, Biden told reporters that inflation was “just a vibe” and that the economy is “booming if you ignore the numbers.” Meanwhile, gas prices soared like Hunter’s internet history search results, and working-class Americans continue to wonder how many organs they have to sell just to buy eggs.

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💼 2. Kamala Harris – Still Talking in Circles

Kamala Harris gave another inspirational word salad at a climate change summit. She said, and I quote:

“We must invest in investing to ensure that our investments are invested in the future of investments.”

You can’t make this up. Actually, you could, but why bother when she’s writing her own stand-up routine?

If Harris is next in line for the nuclear codes, I’d like to officially nominate my microwave for Commander-in-Chief. At least it knows when to stop repeating itself.

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🧠 3. The Squad: United in Bad Ideas

This week, The Squad (aka The Woke Avengers) doubled down on their genius plan to “abolish ICE,” “defund the police,” and “send love letters to Hamas.” AOC went live on Instagram again—because that’s exactly what the nation needs in a crisis: makeup tips and Marxism.

Meanwhile, Americans in actual cities—ya know, the ones on fire—are begging for police support while Rep. Rashida Tlaib demands “community-based, feelings-forward alternatives to incarceration.” Translation: give criminals hugs and hope they stop carjacking.

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💸 4. Congress Passed Another Bill Nobody Read

Washington did what Washington does best: passed a multi-trillion-dollar “emergency spending bill” nobody read. This time it’s supposedly to “fight climate change”—which really means:

• $50 million for gender-neutral bike lanes in San Francisco
• $200 million to teach pigeons how to recycle
• And a cool $10 billion for “emergency tree equity,” whatever the hell that is.

But hey, your tax refund is $17.43 this year. Yay, progress.

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🐘 Honorable Mention: RINOs in the Wild

Let’s not pretend the right is immune to stupidity. Mitt Romney popped up again to remind everyone he still exists—and hates Donald Trump more than he loves Utah. And Liz Cheney continues her mission to make MSNBC her forever home by trashing Republicans like it’s her cardio.

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Final Thoughts (Before the FBI Taps My WiFi)

If politics is a circus, we’re living in the part where the elephant takes a dump on the ringmaster. America deserves better, but until we get it, WTF News Report will be here every week, sifting through the flaming garbage heap of modern governance and asking the real question:

“WHO SCREWED UP THIS WEEK?”
Spoiler: it’s still everyone.

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WTF News Report