In breaking fake news that absolutely no one asked for but somehow got anyway, sources are now whispering about the existence of Hunter Biden’s Autopen. Yes, you heard right—apparently, the Biden family has gone full Transformer with another robot pen roaming the halls of power. Move over, Siri. There’s a new digital signature diva in town.

The big question on everyone’s mind: Why does Hunter need an Autopen? Well, when you’re juggling laptops, art careers, court dates, and mysterious business deals that require signing things at warp speed, you just don’t have time to manually scribble your name like some kind of caveman.

Imagine the scene: a stack of “documents” (we’re not saying what kind), a half-finished oil painting of a dolphin on cocaine, and in the middle of it all—Hunter’s trusty Autopen, probably wearing sunglasses and chain-smoking just to keep up with the chaos.

Some say it’s just a rumor. Others claim the pen is self-aware and once tried to legally adopt a Ukrainian gas company. What’s clear is that in a world full of hot messes and hotter headlines, the Hunter Biden Autopen deserves its own Netflix series: “Signed, Sealed, Sketchy.”