🚨 WTF Weekly:

Welcome to WTF Weekly—your one-stop shop for everything absurd, idiotic, and mind-melting from the past seven days. If you thought the world couldn’t get any weirder…well, buckle up, buttercup. This week delivered stupidity on a silver platter, and we’re here to serve it hot and unfiltered.

🍔 Florida Man Tries to Rob a McDonald’s… With a Live Alligator

Yes, really. In the latest episode of Only in Florida, a man threw a live alligator through a McDonald’s drive-thru window after they forgot his fries. Why? Because nothing says “customer service complaint” like weaponized wildlife.

Police arrested him for assault with a deadly reptile (okay not exactly that charge, but they should). Meanwhile, the gator is reportedly in therapy.

🛸 U.S. Government Quietly Drops 300-Page UFO Report on a Friday Night

Oh look, another casual alien disclosure dumped when nobody’s paying attention. The Pentagon released a juicy report confirming “non-human biologics,” which is code for “we saw some sh*t and don’t want to talk about it.”

But don’t worry, TikTok kept us focused on more important things—like whether or not Selena Gomez blinked too slow.

🧠 AI Now Being Used to Write Breakup Texts Because We’ve All Just Given Up

There’s now an app that lets you feed in a relationship and spits out a breakup message like it’s a fast-food order. Welcome to 2025: where ghosting is passé and GPT does the dumping for you.

Actual app tagline: “Break hearts efficiently.” Poetry’s dead. Romance is toast. But hey, efficiency matters.

🎬 Hollywood Greenlights Remake of a Remake of a Reboot

You read that right. Hollywood is so creatively bankrupt that they’re now remaking reboots. The latest victim? Back to the Future, now starring TikTok influencers who’ve never seen a VHS tape. Marty McFly now identifies as a time-traveling NFT, and Doc Brown drives a Tesla Cybertruck.

Send help.

🇺🇸 Political Circus of the Week: Senators Argue Over TikTok… On TikTok

Congress once again proved they have zero clue how the internet works. A group of Senators trying to ban TikTok went viral this week—on TikTok—as they held a hearing using incorrect hashtags and vertical video from a fax machine.

Gen Z watched in horror. Boomers thought it was a Netflix show.

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💀 WTF Takeaway

The planet’s on fire, people are tossing gators for fries, and our leaders think AI stands for “Ask Instagram.” But don’t worry—we’ll keep watching this slow-motion trainwreck so you don’t have to.

If it’s dumb, bizarre, or makes you scream into the void, we’ll be here to roast it with extra sarcasm and zero apologies.

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📢 Got a WTF story of your own?
Send it to us. If it’s weird enough, we’ll shout you out next week. Bonus points if it involves goats, clowns, or conspiracy theorists who live in basements.

Stay weird, stay woke, and stay the hell out of Florida.

Catch you next week,
WTF News Report Team
“Because real news is dead, and this is the funeral.”